Needle Stuck In The Groove....

So a little heads up on my life here. I have been sitting home now for four months from work. I got hurt on the job and have not been able to work since .Today I find out I have to have surgery on my spine. This needless to say was not the outcome I was hoping for. But I can say for certain that this experience has been life changing thus far. How so? Well let me fill ya in.


This accident filled me with pain and pressure. Not knowing when I was going back to work. Or if I would be able to has filled me with angst and anxiety. I have not received any money yet to date. So let me tell ya,the mortgage comes quick. My wife thankfully is a wonderful soul. She is working  hard  and has been very helpful during this trying time. I know that I have not been so helpful while this has been going on.


My depression amped up so bad the last few months that I thought I was going to kill myself. Now if you are a close friend of mine,ya would be like..."get the fuck outta here." Let me tell ya what despair does to your positive thoughts. It chokes them and than rips than out of your soul. Any one who suffers from any sort of mental illness can quantify this for you. The chasm of darkness created by the cassette in your head will drive you CRAZY. I call it the broken record syndrome. That needle goes down on the vinyl,and the needle gets caught in the groove of the most psychotic measure of the song. You hope it will catch to move on but it don't.


Now that song and negative thoughts will make you insane. But you know that already. I can tell you if you're head does this.You are not alone!!! Just know that if you have thoughts of hurting yourself  you are not alone. Even in the hardest of times and moments when you no longer think you can go on. YOU CAN!!!!!  Never make radical decisions when you are under massive amounts of stress. My therapist just told me this during one of our sessions. I am famous for doing this. The pendulum swings and I swing with it.


Just please take a step back and breathe. Remember that you have made an impact on someone. You are important to the album. Your talent is needed. You are needed. No temporary issue needs a permanent  solution. Please get help if you need someone. Call your doctor or friend. Call the police if you have to. Just try another day. The bus will roll on......